


How Much The Heart Can Hold

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Chris has a dirty dream while they share a bed and may or may not rub it out on Felix's thigh, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Felix has a lot of feelings, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: Felix was in turmoil. He’d always been sure that it was a thing, a childish fling that would pass after some time. But it never did, not after all the years that had gone by and now he's walking a thin line, unsure if he dares to take the jump and tell Chris how he feels.- A bunch of drabbles that I wrote with inspiration from some of my favourite poems. Follows a clear timeline but there are jumps ahead with every new poem.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 13
Kudos: 116





	1. The heart wants what the heart wants

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you for clicking on this! I hope you'll enjoy it ♥ Please do consider leaving a comment or kudo if you like ♥

_The heart wants what the heart wants- or else it does not care._

“Felix?” Chris peeked his head thru the open door of their shared bedroom with a face that immediately broke out into a bright smile when he found the younger on his bed,   
“Yeah?” Felix looked away from the phone screen to shift his attention to his friend and couldn’t help but smile back when Chris approached him with a glint in his eyes- like he carried a secret,  
“Whatcha’ doing?”  
He sat down next to the blonde on the bed and Felix scooted to the side, welcoming the other to join him under the blanket that covered his legs but Chris just leaned over him and the bright, happy smile changed to a soft, endearing one.   
One that made Felix’s heart flip a bit harder and he swallowed hard to not choke on the feeling.  
“Uh- nothing really. Just… twitter” he turned the screen around for Chris to see the many congratulations on their latest performance, Stays that celebrated their success and even though Felix wasn’t entirely happy with his own efforts- it warmed his heart to see that so many still enjoyed it.   
A moment passed between them and Felix was completely certain that Chris just wanted to see him because he was curious of what he was doing, grounded in boredom and the familiarity of seeking the comfort of the others.  
But no,  
“You uh… wanna head out for some food?” Chris suddenly asked while he fiddled with the fringes of Felix’s blanket. He looked down at him with caution, a small smile resting on his face as if he half expected Felix to say no.  
“Now?”   
“Well- ” Chris shrugged with a purse on his lips. Careful to not seem too pushy with his suggestion, “soon…I suppose”  
Soon? Should he take a shower? Put on something nicer than the blue jeans and hoodie he’d been wearing all day? Was anyone else gonna join them, or?   
“It’s nothing special” the older seemed to sense his doubt, “Just you and me and the old ramen place around the corner-” Felix must’ve looked at him sceptically then, maybe something in his subconscious that wasn’t really sure that he’d go for ramen at the moment and Chris hesitated, a bit flushed, “Or we can get something else of course. You pick”   
Felix nodded then, gave him a smile and Chris closed a hand around his and gave it a small squeeze, “Do you need like 30, or?”   
Their eyes met, hands still clasped and Felix’s heart tugged like a thin string had been wrapped around it, slicing into the arteries, and caused him to bite down on his lower lip. The closeness of them made his head spin and the heat from his friend’s body was making his blood boil.   
It was absurd and completely awful.   
Awkward and foolishly naive for him to even think about. But he wanted to keep Chris there, wanted to keep holding his hand while the older watched him like he did at the moment.  
Like Felix was the only person in the entire universe that mattered.   
But he could never admit that.   
And he could never admit that he felt the loss of the other’s closeness when he stood up and walked out the room again with a small smile over his shoulder. 


	2. ... but like morning light it scattered the night...

_It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living_

Time spent with Chris in public always moved too quickly and never, ever quick enough.   
He wanted to take it all in, the crispy snow underneath their feet, the hot coffee’s in their hands, the dimple in his friend’s cheek while they passed a family who fed a couple of ducks further down the snow shovelled path.   
The white on the tree’s above them, the sun that was slowly setting, with the dark silhouettes of city skylines and high apartment buildings against the golden and dark red painted sky. It had been a warm day but as it was coming to a close- so was the cold and it harshly bit down on the apples of his cheeks.   
They talked- about anything, everything. Laughed. Reflected the day that had passed. Wishes and plans for the future in the coming months. Comebacks, worries and work, work, work. Bad dreams, anxiety, not enough sleep, not enough time to enjoy the present, routines that could be better.  
And Chris smiled at him, listened to his complaints, his dreams and Felix wanted it to last forever. He wanted them to walk around the park just one more time. Drank their time together like a thirsting man. Took mental snapshots of every moment that passed.   
Wanted to have as much time with Chris as possible before they had to return to the dorm where the looped escapism would shatter.   
Wanted to hear Chris laugh at that joke one more time.  
Wanted to see how his eyes crinkled up and how the tips of his ears turned bright red when he realised the dirty innuendo of the thing that Felix just said.   
Wanted to feel the weight of Chris’ body against his own when he bumped him with a gentle shoulder, urging him to keep it down with those jokes back at the dorm or the other kids would be learning bad things.

Sometimes he wished that they were just them. Just Christopher Bang and Felix Lee, two good friends that allowed darkness to succumb around them as they carelessly continued walking.   
But they couldn’t be alone or ignored.  
So Felix also wished for time to just move faster so they could return home and he could escape the eyes that watched them, recognized them, took photos as if they couldn’t see.   
Wanted to curl up underneath his blanket on the bed again.   
Wanted to drag Chris with him underneath the softness, disappear from the curious glances, pointing fingers and whispering words. 


	3. ... the happiness of another person...

_Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own_

Felix had a lot of love to give. Too much, some would say.  
Way too much for someone in his profession, some would complain.   
He was always too touchy.   
Too needy. Too clingy. Too obnoxious.   
Careless of boundaries.   
And he tried to do it on his own. To be a brave, strong young man who didn’t need anyone to lean on.   
But… sometimes it just felt like he just couldn’t _breathe._ Like the stress of everyday life as idols were eating him up from the inside, pulling him apart, yanking him from side to side.  
Do this- don’t do that.  
Smile, be cute, be sexy, alluring, sultry but never too much.  
Eat this- but you can’t eat that.  
Be soft but chiselled. Keep those abs but don’t hesitate to do aegyo at any given time.   
And for the love of God- keep in line and never show any weakness or they will strike where it hurts.   
He was unsure of what he’d do without them- his members, his brothers.   
Even when they pushed him away because they’d been cuddling in the same position for hours and they needed some personal space to reload.   
Even when there were loud sighs and pleading for him to go and bother someone else. 

Felix had picked up baking in pure boredom. Thought that it would be good to do something with his hands- to create and he _absolutely_ loved it.   
There was just something about creating a thing that could be enjoyed by the people he loved... And perhaps he’d used it as a peace treaty a couple of times during the months that had passed.   
It was appreciated nevertheless, by many, and maybe (just maybe) he used that to his advantage.

Felix sighed with content and allowed himself to sink deeper against the body next to him. Felt the ridges of bones and muscle underneath the warm, soft skin. The weight of a strong arm around his narrow waist. The adorable short snort when Felix curled up even more as if he believed that he could mould himself perfectly against the other person- not knowing that if there could’ve ever been a physical possibility, Felix would’ve done so in a heartbeat.   
The smell of chocolate chip cookies still lingered in the warm air of their dorm.  
“You good there, bru?”   
The English curled on Chris tone and reminded Felix of warm sand and melted ice cream between your fingers. Of the seagulls of Darling harbour and the endless marine blue of the ocean that stretched towards the horizon.   
“I’m good” he answered and Chris tugged him closer, held him as if he feared that he was going to lose him.   
As if they couldn’t have this every day until the end of times. 


	4. There is never a time or place for true love

_There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment_

He’d always been sure that it was just a guy crush. You know, the ones that girls have on each other- not because they’re in love or anything. But because they admire a friend, happy to bask in their light as life moves on around them. Because a part of them feel special to have been chosen by that friend and a part of them feel like they want to _be_ that friend.   
He’d always been sure that it was a thing, a childish fling that would pass.   
That the way his heart fluttered was something that would disappear as they grew older.   
That the way his whole body became hot and sweaty as if he’d been doused in a wave of warm water every time Chris as much as said something in approval or even smiled at him with that proud look in his eyes, would be a thing of the past when they’d lived with each other for long enough.   
That the sharp jolt in his stomach whenever the older would squeeze a hand, arm, shoulder or thigh to provide comfort or give him a gentle smack on the back as encouragement would be history once enough time would have passed.   
And yet here he was, years later, red like a tomato and absolutely certain that steam actually exited his ears when Chris swept him up like a superhero that caught the damsel in distress just in time.   
“Gotta be careful there, Felix” he wore a comforting smile but the brown eyes gleamed with worry and caution, “Wouldn’t want all that hard work to go to waste”   
He picked a cookie from the tray that had almost fallen out of Felix’s hands when he tripped on a coaster that must’ve slipped from the counter, still holding onto the younger with one arm.   
They were so close that Felix could make out every fine fuzz of soft, light brown hair on his face under the white fluorescence of their kitchen ceiling light, the nearly invisible freckles around his temple, the way some cookie crumbs lingered in the corner of his lips.  
Felix swallowed while his gaze paused there.  
His lips. Plump, with a lovely arch of the cupid's bow and probably soft from the amount of lip balm that the stylist urged them all to coat on as if their lives depended on it.  
And then the moment passed when he looked up and met Chris’ gaze and the older leaned his head to the side, like a confused puppy,   
“What?” he asked, like he saw the dark flames that licked Felix’s soul through his eyes,  
“Nothing” Felix hastily snaked out of his grip and placed the cookies on the nearby table, swallowed hard to suppress the numb ache inside him and mumbled out a, “Thanks, it would’ve been a nasty fall” over his shoulder before he rushed off and locked himself into the nearest bathroom, thrust his hands underneath the stream of water from the tap and cursed himself while washing away the outer layer of butter that laid like a cover over his skin from the batch he still had to put into the oven.   
He cleaned and cleaned and cleaned until a small stack of bubbles had collected just above the drain pipe. Cleaned until his hands were rosy underneath the hot water but still knew that nothing could remove the feeling of his grimy, suppressed emotions.   
The ones that desperately wanted Chris to have kissed him back then.   
The ones that now imagined what it would’ve been to have tasted the sweetness of freshly baked cookies on his lips.


	5. ... because they're perfect...

_You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not._

Chris wasn’t perfect- not by far. He worked way too much and slept way too little. Didn’t take as good care of himself as he did with ‘the kids’ and could easily bend himself backwards if it meant that the end result would be good or he’d helped someone or made the members happy.   
Felix hated every aspect of that part of him.  
Hated that there was nothing he could do when Chris was so deep into the flow of producing that almost literally nothing could stop him- not even the lack of taking good care of himself.   
Hated to see the bags underneath his eyes before they got covered up by two layers of foundation and matte powder to keep it in place by the stylist who pouted and urged him to at least drink enough water.   
Hated to see how dishevelled his hair was and knew that he’d probably tugged on for hours in frustration when he stumbled through the door at an ungodly hour.  
Hated to see him skip meals because sleep finally caught up to him in the early morning and he accidentally overslept.   
Hated that he was so proud of him because that would only give Chris the fuel to keep going, to keep pushing.   
Hated that he loved him too fucking much to complain when Chris woke him up by slipping underneath the covers of his bed.   
Hated that it felt like he could breathe for the first time all day when the older placed his arms around him and scooped him up against his frame.   
Hated that he couldn’t help but smile softly when Chris burrowed his nose against the crown of his head and breathed in deeply.   
Hated that he loved the feeling of the other so close.   
Hated himself for feeling so much joy that it felt like he might burst when Chris whispered out how thankful he was, that Felix was there, that he always supported him, that he allowed him to have this- the simple thing of skin to skin contact and Felix only nodded against him to show that he’d heard before he nuzzled up against the crook of his neck.


	6. ... between the shadow and the soul...

_I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul_

Maybe he was delirious. Completely fucked up and mindlessly egoistic.  
Maybe he’d finally gotten mad. Unhinged and gaping, unable to look away.   
Minutes had passed, maybe even hours and though he’d been awakened harshly and pulled out his own dreams- he’d never been more awake than right at this moment. Never wanted something as fundamental as this.  
Maybe heaven was nothing more than two arms around his waist and a hard cock pressing against his thigh, gently rubbing against the soft skin there.  
Maybe he was just absolutely out of it from lusting over this man for years- way before he could even put words on the things his body craved.   
Felix couldn’t move- could barely breathe.  
He’d been sweating for the past blurring minutes, watching with hooded eyes how the other’s hair tousled up on the pillow next to his. How his mouth fell open with a sharp inhale.  
This was sinning.  
No- no, this was way worse than that.  
This was purely something that would make the Father above to look at him with a deep frown, ashamed of what was happening.   
Chris was still deep asleep beside him, completely obvious to the absolute turmoil that thundered in Felix’s mind. Mind you, he was a young man just out of his teens and hormones and testosterone still surged through his system like cotton candy a windy day- sticking onto every sane thought in his brain that screamed at him to wiggle free and escape the hole he slowly but surely dug himself deeper and deeper into.   
It wasn’t the older’s fault obviously- popping a morning wood (especially when sharing a bed with a warm body) was completely natural and it had happened to Felix as well. It was awkward, sure but something that could be laughed off between them over breakfast.   
This though-  
Felix swallowed dryly.  
Breathed in through his nose and out through the mouth.  
Because he’d be damned if he couldn’t taste blood, unsure if his brain had short-circuited or if he’d bitten down on his lower lip too hard to keep silent when Chris gasped- still lost in a dream that probably got increasingly better from the way he rubbed his hard length over Felix’s inner thigh.   
The younger felt how the gym shorts he wore to bed strained against his own hard-on and suppressed the need to thrust his hand underneath the blankets to knead the bulge that desperately craved some sort of friction and elevate at least some of the tension in his body that pulled on his loins like a stretched bow.   
Chris let out a breathy whine, one that could be disguised as a whimper from a nightmare and tugged Felix's body closer, hands moving down, down over the small swell of his ass and the younger held back a whine of his own.   
He felt so good, _too good._  
The ache of his heart was worse like this.   
When Felix had everything he wanted within grasp, close enough that he only had to lift his nose and scoot up just a little to taste those lips he’d been fantasizing about for so long.   
Chris’ face contorted a bit, brows furrowing before he grabbed two handfuls of the younger’s ass and Felix was sure he’d blackout because Chris was grinding him down on his cock, fully using his warm inner thigh as a means to get himself off.  
His breath choked up in his throat and tears burned in his eyes.  
It was _unfair_ , so fucking unfair.   
That he couldn’t do anything but just place a hand over his mouth to stifle the groans that wanted to escape.   
That he couldn’t do anything, not even touch himself while he felt how the spot of pre-cum on the older’s boxer’s smeared across his thigh where the gym shorts had rid up from the constant friction.   
Fuck.   
Chris suddenly paused, tensed up with a sharp gasp, hallowed out and primal and Felix felt how a teardrop escaped his eyelid and wet his ear when it landed on the pillow.   
How that wet spot on his thigh got wetter when the splashed cum escaped its confines.  
Felix closed his eyes for just a moment to just bask in this bittersweet moment before he opened them again and couldn’t help but smile.  
He was absolutely gorgeous, utterly perfect and unlike anything he’d ever seen before.   
Fuck.  
Chris seemed to wake up when Felix struggled for breath and wiggled a bit too much to get into a more comfortable position.   
Eyes opened and locked on with the younger’s.  
Confusion.  
Felix’s wet eyes were the first thing he saw in their godforsaken bedroom that couldn’t ever get completely dark because of the light from the streetlamp just outside. The hand that was still firmly clutched over his mouth. The evidence of what had happened from the mind-numbing glowing endorphins that still rushed through him in combination with the stickiness in his boxers.   
“Fe- Felix?” he croaked out with an expression that quickly put two and two together.   
The younger shook his head, tried to explain that it was fine, that he didn’t mind but his voice betrayed him.   
“I’ve hurt you” Chris concluded with eyes that widened in horror.   
Fuck.  
Felix finally tore himself free, allowed himself to take a deep breath and tried to ignore the feeling of coldness when he escaped the bed.  
The feeling of cum that stuck to his inner thigh.   
The bathroom door that closed behind him.  
The chilling tiles underneath him when he sat down on the floor.   
The hot tears that burned down his cheeks when a soft knock followed not even a minute later.  
“I’m sorry”   
A sharp breath.  
“I’m so, so sorry”  
The soft thunk when Chris sat down next to the door.  
The pain in his heart, his soul, his very being because he knew that he couldn’t just open that door and tell Chris that he was fine. That it was ok and he’d gladly spend every night like that if an orgasm would make the older feel better after all the work he put into Stray Kids. That he’d gladly make himself useful.   
No.  
That would make Chris even more distraught.   
Disgusted.   
Revolted.   
Five minutes passed.  
Ten.  
Chris stood up.  
Softly knocked on the door again and spoke with a voice that failed him, “I fucked up. I didn’t- I never-” he paused, “I really am sorry. You’re probably appalled by my behaviour. I’ll head over to the studio. Take my bed” he paused again and Felix could nearly hear him sigh deeply on the other side, “I know that broke your trust. Just… just know that I… I love you like a brother”  
Felix choked. Bit back the sobs until it felt like his lungs would explode. Cried when the front door opened and closed.  
Held back a scream, a wail of pure anguish. _  
_Because it felt like half his heart had been ripped out- stolen away from his body the further the distance between himself and Chris became.


	7. He's more myself than I am...

_He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same_

Felix had never fully believed in soulmates. He liked to imagine that there was someone out there for everyone. That no one was bound to be lonely- no matter who they were.   
But that was only the concept.   
The actual biological matter though? Well, let’s just say that not much is needed for two people to find a liking to each other and then just learn how to live together.   
One could argue that it’s what happens to any new kpop group when they are formed. Individuals who just swim at the same speed through the same flowing water, ones that share the same dreams, same ideologies.   
Felix sighed.   
Maybe he’d watched too many of Jisung’s documentaries.   
He huddled on faster, held hard onto himself like the action could protect him from the cold and cursed underneath his breath.   
There was no way he’d let this moment slip between his fingers. He’d cried his eyes out for half an hour on the cold tiled floor of their bathroom and then just thought ‘fuck it’.   
If Chris thought, going forward, that he’d actually hurt him, he might as well leave the group tomorrow because a revelation like that would just fuck up their whole group dynamic and he’d rather be kicked for being a nasty pervert than destroy the other’s careers.   
Through the lobby, up the elevator, down the corridor, a knock on the door and then Chris’ red, bloodshot eyes, flushed, puffy face and furrowed brows. His lips were parted as if he was ready to tell the person who’d bothered him to fuck off but quickly closed it again when he saw who was on the other side.   
“Felix?” he sounded tired, weak and the younger just stepped into his personal space, closed his arms around him and backed them back into the studio, making sure that the door clicked behind them, “Why? I- was acting…” he trailed off and looked away, ashamed.   
“You didn’t” Felix started and swallowed deeply while he placed a gentle hand on Chris’ cheek, “I promise, you… you didn’t” he repeated and urged the older to meet his gaze.   
He was so handsome, perfect. Even though he looked like he’d been crying his eyes out for as long as Felix, dressed completely in black as usual with a beanie that covered his hair. Felix couldn’t help but reach up, removed it and gently carded his fingers through the locks, causing the older’s eyelids to close as he fought back more tears.   
“You didn’t hurt me” Felix whispered, “You- you could never”   
Chris’ lower lip trembled while his friend pressed him closer, allowed the younger to take the lead and Felix was thankful- he needed all the courage he could muster. He felt Chris’ chest expanding with each deep breath and gently grabbed his hands, placed them on his waist and felt how his heart flipped when the older gently squeezed around his hip bones. He then placed his hands back on Chris’ cheeks and gently cupped his face before he took a deep breath,   
“I love you, you know that right?” Chris nodded, swallowed dry and Felix fought back his own fight or flight that kicked the adrenaline into his bloodstream like a racing horse, “You’re my Channie-hyung. You’ve always been there for me and- and I’ve tried my best to be there for you as well” Chris opened his mouth but Felix didn’t allow him to interrupt, not now, not when he tried his hardest to push out the next words, “You don’t need to be sorry for what you did back then…” he sighed deeply, “Because I’m not. I don’t mind seeing that side of you”   
Silence fell between them for a moment and Felix bit back the curses. How stupid of him. He’d just ruined _everything,_ hadn’t he?   
“Wha- what do you mean?” Chris blinked, opened his eyes again and met Felix's gaze.   
He had to tell himself not to back down. To not run out the door again. But Chris kept his hands around his hips and there was something in those eyes of his that strangely kept Felix grounded still.  
“I mean that I…” Felix pulled a pained expression, “I don’t mind what you did to me. It wasn't tears from- uh…” he pursed his lips, tried to talk as slowly as he could to not rush the words that just wanted to fall out from all this time, “Never tears from distress. I… I love you… more- more than-”  
“More than a brother” Chris finished off and let his head hang against his chest with a defeated sigh, “You know… when I saw you for the first time. All rosy cheeks and dark hair, that goofy grin and splatter of freckles” Chris chuckled softly at the memory, met his eyes again, lifted one hand and gently ran the back of his finger across his cheek while something sentimental shadowed his face, “I thought that you were the prettiest person I’ve ever seen. Everyone kept talking about the other trainee girls but I could never really join in on the conversations because I was too busy staring at you while you stared at Binnie”   
Felix snorted, fully expecting Chris to stick his tongue out or let him go, laughing while telling Felix that he was so easy to joke around with. But the moment never came and the realisation was like a boot to the stomach.   
“You-” he started but couldn’t get much further before Chris nodded,   
“It’s always been you, Felix. When the nights never turn to morning and you’re still awake, waiting for me with a snack when I get back from the studio. When you allow me to hold you close because you know that I sleep better then. When you started to bake cookies because I bugged you for them so many times”  
“And when you bring strength to all of us. When you work so hard that I don’t know what to do to make you feel better. When it’s just the two of us” Felix continued and Chris smiled at him like he lit all the stars in the sky.  
“Can I kiss you?” the older asked and Felix swallowed.   
Was this a dream? Surely it must be.   
“No” he answered with a small grin and Chris’ smile fell, “Not if I kiss you first” Felix continued and couldn’t stop a breathy giggle from escaping when Chris lifted him up, held him hard against his chest and smiled into the kiss that Felix planted on his lips.   
They were soft, just like he’d imagined for longer than he could remember and Chris spun them around and around, chuckling when the younger held on for dear life,   
“Oh” he parted them for just a moment, “and I love you too, in case that wasn’t clear”  
And Felix couldn’t say or do anything else than just lean down and capture those lips again, feeling like he’d burst from the happiness that exploded like tiny fireworks in his body. _  
_


	8. The man who called him his home

_Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold_

Of all the things that Felix was certain of- like that the earth was round and he’d been blessed with a family that loved him for an example- there was still one thing that stood out in particular,  
“Felix?” Chris peeked his head thru the open door of their shared bedroom with a face that immediately broke out into a bright smile when he found the younger on his bed,   
“Yeah?” he answered and shifted his attention from the phone screen to his lover and best friend who scurried over to him with a glint in his eye,   
“Whatcha’ doing?” he laid down next to the younger and nuzzled his nose against his shoulder endearingly,   
“Twitter” Felix turned the screen slightly and Chris snorted when a meme flashed by, “Why do you ask? Bored?” he wondered but Chris just shook his head,  
“You wanna head out for some food?” he asked while he fiddled with the hem of Felix’s shirt,   
“Now?”   
The older shook his head again, “I was thinking later” he looked up at the other from underneath dark lashes, “Perhaps we can make it a date?”  
Felix felt his cheeks flush. They hadn’t really explained what was going on, for their members or staff- even though everyone felt that there had been _something_ going on the past days. This was going to be the first proper time that they would head out as a couple then.   
“I’d love that” he answered and watched how Chris’ eyes lit up,   
“Oh, I’m totally gonna treat you so good, baby”  
Felix couldn’t repress the grin that tugged on his lips, “Uhu” he started off and the smile only grew wider when Chris sat up slightly, elevated against his elbow and leaned over him while taking his hand, fully clasped it while he gave it a gentle squeeze and Felix’s heart tugged like a string had been wrapped around it, slicing into the arteries, and caused him to bite down on his lower lip. The closeness of them made his head spin and the heat from his lover’s body was making his blood boil. It was absurd and completely amazing. Breathtaking and so dazzlingly good. He wanted to keep Chris there, right in their bedroom even though he knew that he was always just a few meters away, wanted to keep holding his hand while the older watched him like he did at the moment.  
Like Felix was the only person in the entire universe that mattered.  
“I love you, little one” Chris mumbled while he lifted his hand to his lips and softly kissed his knuckles,  
“I love you too, hyung”   
A warm, fuzzy feeling spread through his system when Chris leaned forward, planted the next kiss on his forehead and then rolled out of bed,   
“I’ll make reservations, there’s a newly opened seafood restaurant a few blocks from here that I wanna try out”   
Felix nodded, blew him a kiss and then immediately had to hold back a chuckle when Changbin entered the bedroom,   
“Really?” he whined while he looked between them, “I knew that there was something weird going on between the two of you” he stuck his head out the door again and yelled down into their living space while he stomped out with upset steps, “Oi, apparently Channie hyung has finally grown some balls to tell Lixie how he feels” followed by loud laughter and commotion from the other rooms, “Come on, does anyone wanna change beds with me. I refuse to listen to them fuck like rabbits from here on” he continued to whine, followed by loud protests.   
Chris had been standing still as a statue and now just broke out into a spluttering chuckle, “I suppose we found a way to tell them”   
“Yeah” Felix smiled back and then hid underneath the covers when Jisung charged through the door and jumped him, telling him that he just lost some good money to Minho- who thought that they would last without telling each other at least until spring, “I suppose” before he threw his arms around his assailant with a big smile. 

Felix was certain of many things-   
One, if someone were ever to measure his heart; they’d surely find out that it weighed enough to house seven young men like himself, with their sight on a dream and goal to succeed.   
Two, a large part of his heart had been given away to the man who now stared at him from the other side of the table, in a dimly lit restaurant, privately and a bit away from the other guests, wearing his finest clothes and jewellery, promising to love and cherish him forever.   
And Felix couldn’t doubt him a second, even if he’d wanted to because he could see it in the eyes of Chris and the warm smile on his lips- how loved he was.  
By the man who chose him in a sea of others. The man who called him his soulmate. The man who called him his home. 


End file.
